Bawdy not Tawdry    

No one, I’m sure can be witty or bawdy on call. You either have it in you or you don’t, to come out with those smart one liners and quotable quotes. Neither can you study them by rote, please note. Sometimes some gems are strewn about when least expected, adding to their lustre and charm. Once (long long ago), our usual gang was walking past the Mehboob studio in Bandra, Mumbai. All of a sudden some cool dudes in a swanky car pulled up. One of them rolled down his window and in a pseudo American accent asked  Hey where’s My-boobs? (Obviously referring to the studio).  One naughty girl, the youngest in our gang turned sweetly to him and said Mister I don’t know where your boobs are but mine are with me alright. You should have seen his face turn ruddy, a real study.

Fans of Country and Western music love buxom Dolly. Come Christmas, who would’nt want to meet her under the holly! Dolly Parton in her school days was not really noted for any asset  other than being  one on the basket ball court. It was the game that made her  realise that  she was more endowed than most girls her age. She observed that everytime the boys moved to tackle her, they were not always reaching for the ball. Trust naughty boys to be always on the ball. You just have to hand it to Dolly though, for making a clean breast of  her predicament. She showed that all though she loved the game, she was not easy game. Then there was this Hollywood small time actress who will remain anonymous. She had just delivered triplets. She named the moppets Matt, Pat and Tat. At the hospital  she had one of the Doctors running for cover, when on a routine visit to check on her, she pulled down the covers and announced dramatically that  she had a tit for Matt, a tit for Pat but no tit for Tat.

Sometimes adversity too brings out the best from those under stress, helping to extricate themselves from the mess. During the second World War, the civic authorities in London had dug underground bunkers all over London for people to shelter in during air raids and the black outs. Frugal rations were also provided in the Bunkers. Needless to mention, the German airstrikes notwithstanding, the blackouts and the dark bunkers were heaven sent opportunities for young courting couples out to score some strikes of their own! During one such air raid, an Air Raid Warden peered into a dark bunker to check on women and children. He asked in a loud voice whether there were any nursing children in the Bunker. Promptly came a retort Hey Mister give us time will you, we only just started. Would that be termed a shot in the dark?

With the moral police taking the lead to curb cheer, it is not not just cheer leaders who are on high alert.. At one pub in Mumbai, a chic young thing out to paint the town red on her Saturday night out, wore a daring flimsy blouse. It left very little to the imagination. As she shashayed her way to the entrance, the prim and proper usher, stopped her from entering, objecting to her revealing attire. The young thing, not one to take things lying down, waved her entry ticket and screamed Mister, I’ve got a good right to enter. The upright usher, looked  her up and down approvingly and said   Ma’am I can see that you have a good left too, nevertheless I have to refuse you entry. That certainly busted her hopes.

And in conclusion, a cosmetic riddle.

Q:        Why was Helene Curtis  made to go for a medical examination?

A:         Because she alleged  Max Factor.